Funnies From Arthur: Gov't Authority Over All

A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas , and talked with an old rancher.

He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."

The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out the location.

The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me !"

Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher.

"See this badge?!  This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land !!

No questions asked or answers given!!  Have I made myself clear......do you understand ?!!"

The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull......

With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. 

The officer was clearly terrified.
 
The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....    

"Your badge, show him your BADGE........ ! !"

FUNNIES FROM ARTHUR Classified Ad: FIFTY YEAR OLD MANURE SPREADER - $1

Fifty-year old manure spreader. Not sure of brand. Said to have been produced in Kenya. 

Used for a few years in Indonesia before being smuggled into the US via Hawaii. 

Of questionable pedigree. Does not appear to have ever been worked hard.

Apparently, it was pampered by various owners over the years. 

It doesn't work very often, but when it does it can sling shit for amazing distances. I really don't want it hanging around getting in the way. I would prefer a foreign buyer to relocate the manure spreader out of the country. 

I would be willing to trade it for a nicely framed copy of the United States Constitution.

FUNNIES FROM ARTHUR Cartoons and Comics

FUNNIES FROM ARTHUR President Obama walks into the Bank of America

President Obama walks into the Bank of America to cash a check. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning Ma'am, could you please cash this check for me?"

Cashier: "It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?"

Obama: "Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to.  I am President Barack Obama, the President of the United

States of America!!!"

Cashier: "Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers and requirements of the Dodd/Frank legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing ID."

Obama: Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am."

Cashier: "I am sorry Mr. President but these are the bank rules and I must follow them."

Obama: "I am urging you, please, to cash this check."

Cashier: "Look Mr. President, here is an example of what we can do. One day, Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his check.

Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racket and made a fabulous shot whereas the tennis ball landed in my cup.

With that shot we cashed his check.  So, Mr. President, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you, as the President of the United States?"

Obama: Obama stands there thinking, and thinking, and finally says, "Honestly, my mind is a total blank... there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do and I don't have a clue.

Cashier: "Will that be large or small bills, Mr. President?

Author Unknown but Arthur finds the funniest stuff.